Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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