so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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