I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
