dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
