I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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