I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
