while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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