I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
