if i can run in heels then i can drive
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
