Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
