I'm sorry my penis didn't work
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
