come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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