please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
