Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
