Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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