seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
