Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
