im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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