They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
