I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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