I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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