3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
