Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
