I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
