Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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