I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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