So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
