I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
