I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
