I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
