Just fell off a train. Bad.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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