Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
