that's an acceptable place to lick
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
