I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
