Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
