Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
