hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
