In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
