You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
