Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
