I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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