I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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