your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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