haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
