hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
