i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
