Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
it glows. i had to have it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
