dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
