Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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