I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
this is an emotional support booty call
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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