The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
