So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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