it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
